i spy top 5 reasons you don’t want drones over us skies

Drones have been all over the news as of late, and before long, it’s a real possibility that they’ll be all over the skies. You may not even notice them, but you can be sure they’ll notice you. The advent of technology like Google Earth has already stripped you of the freedom to pee on your neighbors azaleas without getting caught, so what other freedoms could these invasive drones take away? Aside from the fact that they could accidentally blow up your house, there are plenty of other reasons not to want these unmanned aircrafts out there.

5 Your secret afternoon nap

Everyone gets to that point at work when they hit a wall. The people at “œ5-Hour Energy”have even devoted an entire ad campaign to it, dubbed “œthat 2:30 feeling.”Usually, like any good employee, you grab a coffee and power through it, but sometimes, you’re just straight up exhausted. And while you may think that putting in ten years at the company gives you the right to sneak out to your car once or twice a week for a quick spell of shut-eye, your boss would probably strongly disagree.

4 That car you hit in the mall parking lot

Yeah, you’re supposed to leave a note with your information, but that is a barely noticeable, tiny little ding! And maybe if that guy didn’t want his precious truck to get hit he shouldn’t have done such a horrendous job parking. If you’re over the line, you rick getting hit, buddy! That’s how it works. Uh-oh, what’s that buzzing overhead? It’s Big Brother telling you that if you don’t do the “œright thing”you’ll be hauled off to jail in a matter of hours. Not cool.

3 That thing you do to your dog

Image credit: Buzzfeed.com

Relax, this isn’t about some sick, peanut butter-related thing you do to some poor puppy””just about the harmless, innocent way you mess with your loyal companion. Maybe you do the old laser pointer on the wall trick. Or you pretend to throw his favorite ball but secretly hold onto it. Or once in a while you feed him a lemon slice because you like the funny face he makes when he eats it. It’s all in good fun, but drone footage could soon have PETA climbing up your behind for it.

2 You pick your nose”¦ a lot

Be honest, every time you’re pretty sure that no one is looking, that finger takes at least a quick trip up your nose to see what’s going on. Regardless of where you are, it’s happening. Whether you’re sitting in traffic, sitting on the toilet, or sitting through what seems like a longer than usual funeral, you’re checking out what kind of nose candy you’re working with. Well thanks to drones, your private picking could now be on public display at all times.

1 Your secret terrible taste in music

Everybody does it; once in while, you absolutely rock out alone in your car to songs that you would never publicly admit you’ve ever even heard of. How can you be comfortable knowing that a drone could be following closely overhead, taking in your supposedly private performance? That uninhibited rendition of “œAll the Single Ladies”is supposed to be just for you, not broadcasted back to some tech jerks at the Pentagon betting on whether or not you’ll do the dance too.

TK Kelly is a comic and writer who has performed at clubs across the country like the Comedy Store, the Improv, Gotham, and Standup NY. He has also written for Tosh.0, Comedy Central Studios, Funny or Die, Recycled Babies Sketch Comedy, and Second City. His standup comedy has been described as “a thing that happens sometimes,” and according to one of his grandmothers, he is a generally delightful young man. If he were forced at gunpoint to describe himself in one word, that would be a really weird hostage situation.

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