The Outback had to make an appearance on this list; after all, they named their country after a steakhouse. Based on a cursory knowledge of their diet, it’s safe to assume the Aussies made the cut due mostly to their high intake of oversized Foster’s beer and bloomin’ onions. Whatever the case, Australia notched a 25.1 percent obesity rate, which begs the question; maybe the dingo wouldn’t have eaten your baby if it wasn’t so plump and delicious.
4 New Zealand
Middle Earth? Really? Turns out that even all that walking from the Shire to Mt. Doom couldn’t keep New Zealand off the list at number four, coming in strong with a 27 percent obesity rate. Though it makes sense, considering the often small, stout build of hobbits and dwarves, along with the fact that orcs will eat just about anything, including each other. So has the high volume of Lord of the Rings jokes given away the fact that we don’t know much of anything about actual New Zealand yet? Great. Moving on.
3 Czech Republic
Well, would you look at this feisty little upstart? Not many would have expected this small European nation to land so high on the list, but look out, because thanks to a steady diet of dumplings, goulash, pork and cabbage, the Czech Republic has become the fat country equivalent to an underdog mid-major making a deep run in the NCAA Tournament. With 28.7 percent of adults facing obesity, you’ve got to admire the sheer tenacity of Czech eaters.
2 United States
We’re number one! We’re number o—wait, what?! Yeah, here you thought the US was far and away the world’s fattest country and it turns out we come in at just number two with 31.8 percent of our adult population qualifying as obese. It’s the god damn economy, really. We’ll be back though, after all, this whole using donuts for sandwich bread thing is only just now starting to really catch on.
When it comes to being the fattest of all the world’s industrialized nations, Mexico takes the ice cream cake. With 32.8 percent of their adult population tipping the obesity scales, Mexico lands in the top spot thanks largely to the popularity of high-sugar, low nutrition foods. Yeah, as crazy as this may sound, it turns out that strawberry soda has like zero strawberries in it!
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